I don’t know about you, but when I look at that hair, I do not think to myself, “You know what this baby is in desperate need of? A haircut.” Actually my brain just comes up with a vague and foggy string of half-words half-noises, things like “fluffy” and inane gurgle sounds and coos.
Now, I’m pretty sure those of you who have been around little girls EVER in your life are probably already gasping in horror and/or chuckling. You know exactly where this is going. Nowhere good, that’s where.
Yup, you’ve probably guessed it by now. I heard Olivia crying, and I went to her room to find the door closed. I open the door and Nicole is standing over a bawling Olivia, scissors brandished. (I’m being a bit dramatic, but bear with me, it was pretty dramatic in my own head when it was happening)
Like any good mother, my first reaction was
complete panic total calm. “What did you do?!” I hollered calmly inquired. Nicole instantly burst into tears, a combination of guilt and impending doom total remorse.
I snatched the scissors away and put on my best mom-makes-you-feel-guilty performance about how you NEVER have scissors near a baby, all the while
flailing my arms in a panic and trying to establish where Olivia was injured to cause such a wail.
When I noticed a chunk of baby hair on the floor I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I realized the source of Olivia’s pain was inevitably having her hair yanked on for a cut. It was just one little bitty chunk on the floor, not so bad. I sent Nicole to her room to stew over the information that she would never again be allowed near scissors until she was in her mid-forties. Then, like any good mom, I snapped a few pictures for the ‘holy crap I can’t believe the shit my kids do’ album. (It’s building up pretty quickly, let me tell you.)
And then I picked up Olivia.
Pardon the crummy picture courtesy of my crackberry. Let me tell you… Nicole cut off more hair than most babies have at this point. SEVERAL LOCKS. There was another hunk on the floor, the first one I had noticed.
I would show you a picture of Olivia’s haircut but honestly, her hair is so helter-skelter I couldn’t even tell where it had come from. So I mean, aside from nearly laying an egg from shock, no real harm done.
I know I’m not the only one out there with a “Aww how cute, you have a future hairdresser on your hands there!” horror story. Do share.