The Moms that read by blog are probably already chuckling to themselves, or saying, “uh-oh”, or tsking, whatever, just from reading that title. Oh, you know, don’t you. You know what can happen in two minutes. ANYTHING. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN TWO MINUTES. Which is why really good mommies probably only take one minute to pee. So I could hear them giggling right beside the door and considered that a good sign. The more experienced mommies are smiling in a placid virgin-mary sort of way and gently shaking thier heads. They know. They know it’s never a good sign when the kids are giggling. (for clarification, I’ll mention that this is Nicole and Little Friend. If you’re new, Nicole is the one in green acting like she is Large And In Charge.)
I wasn’t there, but I’d be willing to bet that Nicole was the mastermind behind this dirt fight. Little Friend is not the type to start a dirt fight. I’m pretty sure it went something like this:
Nicole : throws dirt on ground
Little Friend : giggles and copies
Nicole: giggles and throws dirt at Little Friend
Little Friend : giggles and throws LOTS of dirt at Nicole
I figure it this way because Nicole is just COVERED in dirt, and Little Friend just has a smidge on her shoulder. It could be that Nicole just had bad aim. Regardless, she was loving it. She is unabashedly mischievous. When I came outside (and, admittedly, cussed a little cuss out of shock. Nothing that would have gotten you grounded, but your mom would have given you a dirty look for sure.) Little Friend turned to Nicole and went “Nicole!!!! No!!! Bad!!!” in a way that sounded like she had also just stumbled upon this fiasco and was rather shocked. I was like, “You know, Little Friend, it’s pretty obvious Nicole did not get this dirty by herself, so don’t pretend like you weren’t involved. Your hands are covered in dirt.”
I have to say, I am often at a loss when it comes to my daughter and the fact that she will do what she does regardless of my presence. But I have to say, I think I prefer it to the whole ‘pretend you are innocent’ thing that Little Friend does. We’ll pretend it is honesty and not ‘Oh, mommy, you’re about as scary as a soggy noodle’ that motivates my child.
So what did I do, you ask? (Aside from snapping lots of pictures?) Well, I wasn’t about to let them in the house like this. Not when it’s thirty degrees (celcious) outside. (Why yes, it was so cold we needed jackets three weeks ago. Thanks for asking. WE LIVE IN A WIERD WIERD PLACE. This is normal here. Maybe later I’ll tell you about our current plague of
I stripped them both down butt-nekkid in the backyard and hosed those hooligans off. (hallelujah for totally fenced, private backyards. It’s what makes city living doable for us, personally.)
Little Friend frowned. Nicole screamed bloody murder. Mommy curtly informed Nicole that if she didn’t play in the dirt, she wouldn’t get hosed off in the backyard.
I don’t know why I haven’t been posting this week. I have a few things to blog about. Cankerworms, cloth diapers, and sandbox-wars. Get on it, lorchick! I’ll smarten up. And I’ll leave you with two tips for this week. Aside from Pee Faster, if you’re a mom.
Tip #1: Make friends with a hairdresser, preferably a good one. Then they can come to your house and cut the hair of you and your daughter for only $30.
Tip #2: When it is too nice to be inside, but you have like six loads of clean laundry that have been waiting to get folded for nearly a week by now (please say that is not just me) … bring the laundry outside! Put a tablecloth on the picnic table and fold it there! Or bring a table outside, if one is not readily available to you. Then you can tan, watch the kiddo/kiddos in the pool, AND fold laundry. HOORAH.